A dedication to my cat;
Who passed away last week, bless him, reaching a grand age of 16. We first adopted Thomas from the cats protection league when I was 3 years old. I basically chosen him because he looked like a baby tiger, we felt drawn to Tom straight away. I remember picking the name Thomas after Thomas the Tank Engine, because I used to be a big fan at the time. 


He was always top cat, he put all of the cats in place on our terrace. This meant that he used to get in a lot of fights. When he wasn't guarding our garden, he seemed to be incredibly happy. His favourite thing in the world was catnip, which we used to treat him too when me and my mum went on a trip to sheffield, we always had to go to a special shop in order to buy Tom a catnip mouse. 


One time when Tom was young, he climbed up our tree, and broke off the branch and came crashing down with the branch. Although this was funny for me, my parents were not as impressed as he ruined the tree. Nearly 15 years later, they have recreantly decided to buy a new tree in order to replace the one in which he broke.


Since I am now 19, Thomas has been with me through life for 16 years, which is a hell of a long time. He's grown up with me, through childhood, to teenage years, to early adulthood. I feel incredibly lucky to have spent my time with such a nice cat. Although he could be moody, he was a very nice cat, and always was incredibly happy to see you. 


I will not forget my Thomas, R.I.P.

What a boring day;
I can certainly see that today will be thrilling, I might as well be on a roller coaster at Alton Towers. Man, i'd give anything to be there right now. Well, I'm basically on my own in the flat all day, until later anyway. This will be the first time i've ever been on my own since i've been living here, and I dislike the thought of it already!


So i've got all of this free time, mainly being the reason in which last week I bought a guitar. Today, I will play this. Maybe try and learn some new chords, and move onto "beginners lesson two" .. exciting! Someday I will be brilliant at guitar, or so I'm hoping. I'd like to learn over summer, as i've got nothing else to do. Apart from going to America of course, but that's not till August.


I'll take photographs and upload them to twitter, maybe to here as well. Even though I don't really have anything to take a photograph of, but hey. It's all part of the hobby :) There's something about taking photographs which I find special. The thought that they're an everlasting memory. Also, they give me the ability to challenge myself. I want to take better and better photographs! Of interesting things.. maybe this won't succeed very well in my room.


Next, i'll do my nails with the new BarryM magnetic nail varnish, just to see what it turns out like. The thing cost me a fiver!! Pretty hard times for a student, but it looked incredible, so i'm hoping that it's worth the money! 


Finally, I might actually do some revision. Note how I left this until last? But before that, I need to tidy my room. This is just as boring, hence it is also last in the list. My wardrobe also needs organising, but that's also another boring chore. Yet, is there much point since I move out next month? Probably not! Or at least that's my excuse anyway. 


I wonder how many of these things i'll actually do? Or just get back into bed.. :)

It's a very strange experience;

When you lose someone that you were incredibly close to. Relationships for instance, you devote yourself to this person. You give your all for this person. You do everything in your will power to make them happy, because you love them. Yet after the heartbreak, it's unlikely you'll ever speak to them again, it'll never the same as it was. It's incredibly strange how someone who was your everything can become someone you no longer associate with. 

Maybe this is why dating friends is not a good idea? Being with your best friend maybe great, it could work in your favour. You might end up with everything that you've ever wanted. Or, it could all come crashing down. You could lose your relationship and your best friend all in one go. It's a very risky business.

The same applies to friends. How many people have you been incredibly close with, for it all to just disappear? Maybe you've just drifted apart, maybe you've had an argument and never fully made up, or maybe you've found something out about the person and it's completely changed your opinion of them. 

It's all part of growing up, and it's a huge factor of life. People will hurt you, it's a given. Those people who do, don't deserve to be in your life. The friends that stand by you through life, those are the ones to keep. Yes, you may have been close to people at some point, but things have changed for a reason. Try not to fret, life is full of puzzling and full of strange emotions. 

Stay happy! :)

Relationships, are they worth it?

I admit that I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic, I like the idea of finding someone at university and for that to be it, but i've started to think this is very unlikely to happen. For one, i've not had a relationship in which I think "I wish that never ended", as they've all turned out to be quite rough in the long run, for instance cheating and recently worse. All of my relationships have ended up in either one or both of us being hurt, hence this is why the question I'm asking is are they actually worth it? Also, each relationship changes me as a person, I now find it a lot harder to trust people after recent events, but maybe this could be a good thing? It's made me put a barrier between me and new people, and i've evidentially got ever lasting scars, inside and out.  

I will never forget anyone that i've been with, mainly for bad reasons. Of course there where good times, but they've slowly been forgotten. I find it hard to commit myself to one person in the first place, but when I do i'll be fully theirs. I've never cheated or caused any harm, and I certainly need to find someone who'll treat me with the same respect.

It is clear that I haven't yet found the right person, but how the hell do I find them? Maybe i've already met the person, who knows? Movies seem to give the wrong impression to the media and women around the world. Of course, I have certain friends who I can tell will get married to their partners, I know this incredibly hard to find, especially since they're with their first love. Marriages these days mainly end in divorce, a complete contrast to back in the old days. It just makes you wonder!

I need someone to find me, blow me away and love me for who I am without trying to change or control me. My bad relationships have certainly made me be critical about love, hopefully someone will make this change, otherwise when I'm older i'll be purchasing a dog and staying at home...
If you're up to the challenge, please step up :)

University, Freshers 

Sept 2011, One of the first nights whilst moving to university. It feels like decades ago now, and it might seem daft to say since it wasn't that long ago but we all seem so young! Things have certainly changed since the freshers days, I know for one that my life is completely different now to what it was back then.

In comparison, this was taken in May 2012, and even though it's not that long, we all seem to be different, confidence and appearance wise. I know that my flatmates and I will now have an everlasting bond, it's just what happens. :)

University, Freshers.

University has been an amazing, strange, good and bad experience. For one, i've managed to gain some independence by living on my own. This was extremely hard at first, but i'd never go back. I've met some friends for life, mainly being my flat mates, I can't imagine life without them now, they're like my second family. It's mainly taking the plunge and diving into a completely different lifestyle.

Of course, we all have our ups and downs, from relationships to drama, to our courses, but at the end of the day it's all part of the experience. The night life is a huge benefit, in particular going on nights out to the engine shed, my favourite place in the whole world. It's an opportunity to be myself in shorts and converse, without having to get completely dressed up in heels ready to hit the town. It was incredibly strange going to my first UV paint party, what a sensation! University opens up many doors in life which you never expect to happen, i've never experienced anything so crazy.

Before moving to Lincoln, I honestly thought i'd matured. I have to some extent, living on your own and managing your own finances isn't a piece of cake. However I also think i've gone in completely the opposite direction. Water fights in the corridor, playing ring of fire, playing ridiculously loud music at 4am etc, but it's all brilliant and I wouldn't change a thing.

It's nearly time for the first year to be over, and it's one that I will never forget. There certainly has been ups and downs! For one, i've probably just been through the hardest part of my life, mainly being relationship issues but it's certainly made me a stronger person and it's a whole part of the experience. I've learnt a few things about myself, i've started to understand who I really am. I've learnt that I can look after myself, i've started to feel comfortable in what I wear and the music I listen to. I've mainly started to feel accepted. 

It's been an emotional roller coaster, but i've survived the ride.

I'm stronger, more indépendant, and learning to be myself.

Bring on second year! :)

I've finally created a blog;

So, right now I'm meant to be revising for my English exam. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to create this blog, just mainly as a method of distraction. I've already watched 6 episodes of Tracy Beaker today as another distraction, and I'm guessing that feeding myself will be the next one.