Freshers.

So, it's freshers week. I'm now in my second year at university. My time at university has been the quickest time of my life. I'm nearly half way through already, what?! Unless I decide to do an MA, but I'm not sure yet because I don't know what to do in life. Being this age is incredibly hard. The future ahead is fuzzy. You don't know what to expect. It's especially hard for me because I don't have a career path in mind, I tend to just go with the flow. I really have no idea what to do, so to be honest I'll probably end up doing an MA just to pass another year, it gives me more time to decide.

Anyway, on Sunday we went out to a fresher's carnival. It was fun, but it wasn't the same as when I went out for my first ever freshers. I've been there, and done that. I've experienced the crazy week. I've experienced talking to hundred's of strangers. I've experienced the craziness, except from it doesn't feel crazy anymore, it just feels normal. Maybe that's me just getting used to the university lifestyle, or maybe I'm just getting old and boring now. I feel that at the end of my second year, I'll have grown up big style. I've got to focus my life around work this year, instead of parties. Last year I hardly did anything, I just went out and scraped my way through onto second year. I know I need to start trying now, because it counts. Shit.

Today we went to the freshers fair, that's always fun. You just get given so much free stuff. Voucher booklets, condoms, pens, sweets, magnets, bottle openers. All sorts. You tend to go there to stock up for the year ahead. The best bit is it's all free, yay. I also received a free cup of coffee and a piece of rocky road. Pretty decent eh? It's because they know we're all broke. People tend to pity the students. All I'll say is you wait until my loan comes through, then I'll be rich!! Well, rich-er. I've still got quite a hectic week coming up, involving a UV paint party, the best night of university. You get covered, it's so so fun and completely crazy. My next update will probably be revolving around the fact that I'm dead, or feeling dead. Might as well have some fun before the work starts on Monday, right?

Photoshop.

A few things I was trying out earlier, can't decide what I like :)

Autumn.

I've had a bit of a boring day today, so I logged onto photoshop and thought what can I draw? It sounds strange, but I like how we go through different seasons in the year. If we didn't, life would get a bit boring don't you think? Autumn is a great time of year. The weather is usually a relatively decent temperature for England. On another bonus, the weather's normally dry. The leaves are starting to fall off of the trees. The cardigans come out of the wardrobe, and the boots and jeans come back out from hibernation. I find Autumn strangely romantic, but maybe that's because I'm pretty useless. The nights are starting to get longer. All you want to do is lie in bed and cuddle, before venturing out into the crisp air for a walk alongside the street lights. Comfort food and long romantic films make their way into your life once again. Of course, you soon start planning for Christmas. The season makes everything look quite pretty. Maybe it's just me, but I love Autumn.

Banner ideas.

These are just a few designs that I've done recently. Can't really decide which one I like best, so I'll probably end up switching them around when I get bored. I wanted to create something original instead of using other people's work. This is just the start to my learning path on photoshop :)

Lincoln and Love.

Well, I've spent a lovely few days with my Tom. Our usual meetings normally consist of lying on the bed or sofa, because we normally become incredibly lazy. We don't get to see much of each other, since we're living in two different places now and we're at two different universities, but we make it work. The thing about having a long distance relationship is we tend to look forward to seeing each other, because we haven't done so for a week or so. I know that it certainly gives me something to look forward to.

This time though, we actually made it out of the house and decided to climb "Steep Hill" in Lincoln. The name pretty much says it all. Lincoln is famous for swans (because there are so many of them they will eventually rule the city) and the cathedral. The cathedral is an absolutely amazing building, it's grand and the architecture is unlike anything I've ever seen. To get to the cathedral, you have to climb an incredibly steep hill. Who needs the gym? It's worth the climb because at the top of the hill is another side to Lincoln which makes the city truly incredible. It's quaint, pretty and historic. It's an escape from the rest of the manic city. There are many tea and coffee shops, as well as chocolatiers and cute shops. There are many restaurants which can be incredibly romantic at night. It's like being in a different city, unlike the student side of Lincoln which is placed conveniently at the bottom of the hill.

Somehow after the huge walk which we embraced, we wasn't tired as we stayed up talking until 6am. There's a quote from "Friends" which reminds me of this situation. Joey does the same with a girl who he's fallen for, before Monica exclaims "you've had the night!" Well, we pretty much did just that. I find it incredible how you can be around a person for so long and it doesn't get boring. I've taken it as a good sign. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but the appearance of my blog looks suddenly different. Cool huh? Credit goes to Tom who taught me to use photoshop. I don't want to be one of those girls who constantly writes about how amazing her love life is, because those sorts of posts just do my head in. This is a one off, and it seemed like a good opportunity for me to promote the beautiful city of Lincoln.

Diets are a load of rubbish.

Way back in June, I wrote a post about the gym. I decided to join the gym in order to try and achieve a "bikini looking body", you know, the type you usually see plastered all over the front of women's magazines which make you feel incredibly small inside. I knew from the start that I didn't want to get carried away and end up as a size 0, because that look just doesn't appeal to me what-so-ever.

I have managed to stick with the gym, it almost feels like a routine now. The gym has had an affect on my diet, I've started to become a lot more strict. I've started to watch what I eat a lot more, and only try to put healthy food inside my body. I've stopped snacking on crisps unless they're low fat, and I only allow myself to have a few squares of chocolate every now and again. Instead of snacking on crap food, I try to be good. I think I've started eating healthier because eating bad food makes me feel guilty, I don't want to spend an hour working hard in the gym to come out and eat a McDonalds, it just doesn't seem worth the effort. I do have a rule though where I can eat whatever I feel like for tea, because you definitely need something to fill you up at tea time otherwise you'll be snacking later on. I do eat foods like biscuits, or the occasional scone and cream (typical English, but it's so good) but in smaller portions instead of scoffing my face. I only ever eat until I'm full, even if there is food left on my plate. Ever eaten food so fast that you feel sick afterwards? Me too. I learnt the other day it takes the brain 20 seconds to realise that it's actually full, so the trick is to eat slowly.

I don't believe in diets, they're a load of rubbish. You'll come off of a diet and put the pounds back on again, because you've not actually changed your eating habits. I've read many times that in order to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle you have to control your eating habits, and it's true. Last year at university, all I ate was pretty much shit. Takeaways all the time because we couldn't be bothered to cook. I noticed that I put about half a stone on about the first year, and this is when I knew I had to change. Eating healthily and going to the gym is the only way to do it. Sorry for those of you firmly believing in diets, but they are a load of rubbish. Put the effort in, and you'll get the results you want.

"meh"

Every now and again, you have a "meh" day. There's really no other word to describe it, you just feel "meh". Most girls will know what I mean by this, but I know a few guys which also have these kind of days. You really have no idea why they happen. I mean, life is good and there's nothing to complain about really, but my body is still telling me that I'm having a "meh" day, so be it.

It sounds strange, but seeing Cheryl Cole on "This Morning" today made me slightly angry within, mainly because she's a blatant liar. Cheryl claimed that she always eats chocolate biscuits, sweets and chocolate. I'm sorry but do you really?! No offence love, but I could see your ribs because you were practically wearing no clothes. She might as well just tell the truth that she will probably have one chocolate biscuit a year otherwise she'd look just like the rest of us (normal) instead looking like a stick who needs a good meal. Not only is she lying, she's putting across an unhealthy message to women and young girls. Cheryl suggests she still looks thin even though she eats crap food, so surely young girls will think that it's okay to live an unhealthy lifestyle? No, just no. Celebrities just seem to annoy me. There is only a few which I actually admire, the ones with actual talent and real beauty. Cheryl is probably a factor which influenced my "meh" day, because she made me mad!

I can't seem to do anything right. I don't really think I have any special skills or anything which I'm really good at, which is quite sad really. I like taking photograph's, but everyone seems to be doing this these days, so I don't see much of an opportunity for myself there. I can draw, but A level art has put me off for a very long time because they've actually made me hate the subject, so I literally haven't drawn since. I'm doing English at university, but I don't really think that's a special subject either. I literally just picked it because I thought it could just about give me any job. I realise that I'm not painting a very good picture of myself, but I really don't know what I'm good at. There are some people which are good at absolutely everything, and I'm like how?! I want to be good at something! I'm hoping I'll figure it out at some point in my life, otherwise I'm a bit boring really.

I should really be starting university work as well. I've got so many books to read that I could actually create a library. Yet again, attitude towards university is "meh", I massively can't be bothered. It's strange because I love reading, but I don't like being told what to read. It makes me not want to read it. I just want to sit and read Harry Potter, not some old boring book which makes me feel asleep! Life is full of so many dilemmas.

Everybody loves Disney.

Disney land is the most incredible place. Everyone is incredibly happy, all of your worries just seem to disappear. This is Disney land, the place where you are surrounded by many of your favourite films. The place where you walk round and see Mickey Mouse just chilling in the middle of the park. The place where you get to go on rides like you've never experienced, like a Toy Story ride (oh my actual god). It's the place of dreams where all of your favourite characters just seem to come alive. It's the land of fairy tales, perfectly displayed by the amazing Cinderella castle, what girl wouldn't like to live there with her Prince Charming? It's one of my favourite places in the world. Disney seem to get away with anything and make it look cool. Their theme parks are incredibly well thought out, and not tacky in the slightest. It's a place full of music, excited crowds, junk food, parades, spectacular events and memories. Disney have four theme parks, because one is just not enough. I was told that Disney is roughly the same size as Manchester, which is pretty incredible. Disney manage to think of every last detail. There hotels are themed, and they manage to make their hotels look like 5 star resorts. I will always be impressed by Disney. I'm already planning on moving into the Cinderella castle and being neighbours with Mickey Mouse, when I've left university anyway. 

Our house, in the middle of the street.

Our student house is starting to feel incredibly homely. We've added a few touches to the living room, and decided that we would use the colours red and purple as a theme, strange I know but it actually looks good. We decided to choose these colours because they aren't too girly, we didn't want our male house mates to come back and think "what the fuck?!"

We've added loads of photographs to hide the boring white walls, and thrown a nice looking rug down to hide the strange blue carpet. I have to say, it looks quite good. It's amazing to come downstairs in the morning, lie on the sofa and stick on Jeremy Kyle. Many people find this normal, but for us students it's a complete privilege. Last year we didn't have a communal television, so we all had to be anti-social and sit alone in our rooms. Also we didn't have sofas, so this house just feels like heaven. I'm really enjoying my double bed, I love how I get to sleep in the middle of the bed and spread out like a starfish, only when Tom's not here anyway, then I get reduced back to my side of the bed!

It sounds stupid, but you really do appreciate the little things in life, like a dishwasher. How the hell did we survive with one sink between 6 of us last year? Truth be told, we didn't. We never cleaned, pots were left to go mouldy which is pretty grim really. This year, we just get to whack the plates straight into a dishwasher. Amazing. What a genius idea, it saves so much time and hassle. One thing I am going to have to get used to will be the 20 minute trek to university at 8am in the morning. That's the only down side about this house, but it'll be ok because if anything it'll keep me fitter. Win!

Society.

I think that I'm becoming addicted to shopping. It's a slight problem which has a huge affect on my bank balance. The influence of fashion is the reason for my addiction, because I enjoy changing small items in my wardrobe to keep up with the current trends. I like the idea that clothes can represent you as a person, but this means you can become incredibly judgemental of others and be constantly judged yourself. The other week whilst at Riley's, a man was wearing a t-shirt which was offensive to women, as it compared us to dogs and ordered us to be in the kitchen. I'm sorry but, what?! Why would any woman find this man attractive when he's just given them an indirect insult? Anyway, if women had sense they would stay away from that man, he doesn't deserve anyone but himself. I'm told by friends and my mum that I sometimes get stared at by other women. Are these good or bad stares? What the hell are they thinking of me? It makes me incredibly paranoid, but there's not a lot really I can do because I'll never know what they think.

Even though we all hate to admit it, we automatically judge someone on what they're wearing. This is probably one of the reasons why I'm so fashion conscious, I worry about what other people will think of me. New clothes make me feel less insecure for a while, but in the end they usually make their way to the charity shops. There are only a few clothes which I will never throw away, because I feel completely myself in them. For instance, polo shirts. I love them, they always look good and I always feel better for wearing one. Of course, by wearing a polo shirt someone will automatically judge me as an "indie kid", but hey it's not like that at all, I just like the damn t-shirt. I enjoy wearing skinny jeans, and converse or vans. I'll probably get judged as an "indie kid" for that also, but to be honest it's just what I like. Dresses are usually a problem area for me. I'd never get away with wearing a figure hugging dress because I'm just way too curvy, so I always pick a dress to emphasise my waist and disguise my huge hips. I get that curves are good, but you still have to dress yourself in the right way otherwise you just look daft.

I enjoy walking into shops and seeing all of the pretty clothes. I automatically know if they're "me" or not, whether I will splurge out and buy the clothing or walk away with my head hanging. I hate trying on clothes because I just think "only a skinny model will fit into this", which is quite depressing and sad as it goes. I have trouble figuring out what will suit me. I don't think I have my own style, but as it goes I guess that's good. It makes me unpredictable. Who wants to be boring and fit into a stereotype anyway? I don't know how to do my hair, I still don't really get how to have my make up. I don't know what suits me. It's a hard life being a woman, and a teenager trying to fit into this society. Fact.

University.

Before I came to university, I heard all sorts of stories. I was told that I would become independant, because I have to start doing things for myself, such as learning to cook and figure out how to use a washing machine. Turns out, they were right. When I first started university I couldn't cook a thing. I daren't actually cook raw chicken to put into a curry, so I used ready cooked chicken pieces, but turns out it didn't taste so good. I learnt a lot from my flat mates, and started to gain confidence in becoming more independent. I had to figure out a new routine to fit into the university life style. I became lazy, stereotypical for students. The only time I'd bother making an effort was each time we went on a night out, but only to come home looking rough as. It was an experience, I already feel like I've grown up loads.

Now that I'm actually living in a house instead of student halls, I feel ever so slightly more grown up then before. I actually have responsibility of looking after a property, I can't just run to my parents for help. We have knowledge of what to expect within university life, we're not innocent freshers any longer. I actually have a dishwasher, no more dishes going mouldy down the side of the kitchen. We have a television and sofa's, instead of being sat watching a laptop screen around the kitchen table. Right now, life is good, but I wish life stayed this way, I know I will becoming stressed with work soon...

Relationships.

In life, you will meet all sorts of people. Some of those people will just become acquaintances. The kind of person who you either nod at or say "hey" when you see them in the street, and that's all they will ever be in life. Your family are the one type of relationship which you are stuck with, there's no getting rid of them. As annoying as this can be, it's good to have some sort of security in your life. They can't really go anywhere, and if they do you'll always be blood related. There are the types of relationships which no longer exist, such as an ex or a friend you no longer have contact with. Yet at one point, this person meant something or everything to you, and they knew you inside out. It's a rather strange concept when you think about it, but life goes on and there are always new people making their way into your life.

Friendship is an entirely different sort of relationship. You can choose your friends, you pick who you become close to. You can tell this person anything without them being judgemental, or scarred for life. You choose to trust this person, and know that they will always be there for you. Life never seems to be boring when you're around them. There are people in my life who I know will be my friends for a long time, so in my eyes that's a pretty straightforward and simple relationship because I know they won't be going anywhere.

So, there's this one word which makes a simple relationship/friendship become incredibly complicated, you've got it, it's the L word. What happens when you start liking one of your best friends? Do they like you back, do you carry on as normal, do you tell them how you really feel or will it make things awkward? Suddenly, the relationship isn't so simple anymore. You start noticing them in another light, you smile when you think of them and always want to be in their company. You become jealous easily of other women around them, and you want them to be yours. You suddenly start to think "what the hell has happened to me?" Cupid has struck, and you're in a chokehold. 

I've never acted on any feelings towards male friends before, because I thought it was too risky. For some reason, this time was different. I partly knew there was something more between us, something more than just friendship. There was some sort of tension, kind of like I wanted to take him aside and jump on him. I had an urge that he felt the same. I went ahead and made my move, which luckily worked in my favour because he's know my boyfriend. The best thing about being with your best friend is you already know everything about them. There's no awkward phases, everything feels comfortable. I feel like I need him in my life because he's been around for so long now. I know it was the right thing to do, because each time we kiss it makes me think "why haven't we been doing this all year?". It took us a while, but we got there and we're happy. 

It doesn't always turn out with such a fairytale ending, but if you feel there is something more than friendship I recommend you try it. You never know, you might end up living happily ever after. 

Life in general.

So today I'm moving back to Lincoln, to get ready for a new term at university. I'm just about packed, my life is pretty much in boxes right now. I don't seem to have a permanent home at the moment, I tend to live in two places, one being "home home" at Chesterfield and of course Lincoln. I always look forward to moving back because it's good to have my own space and freedom, but I always know I'm going to miss home. It's the little things which I miss, like the random drives with friends, shopping at Meadowhall, having a few down the pub and of course "ROAD TRIPS". It's a summer full of memories which are now fully stored away in my brain. I'm ready for the next stage of my life, I know this year at university will be hard work but bring it on. I'm ready to get out the winter cardigans, hats and scarves. I'm ready to be snowed in, watching endless movies with a hot chocolate. Yet I know that a few months into Winter, I'll be complaining about the cold weather and fantasising about a hot summer. It's just a British thing, we like to complain. You can't win really.

I realise that I haven't blogged in a while, but currently I don't have time, but I might do later on today... it depends. I'm a busy girl! I thought I'd write a list of what to write about, just incase I forget my ideas.

My trip to America,
Relationships,
Documentaries,
Life as it is,
Clothing/Personality,
University.

:)