The start of November.

Life is getting pretty hectic. My boyfriend turned up randomly on my doorstep and gave me these flowers, because I was starting to find things tough. I think what he did was incredible. The thought that went into it shows how much he cares, and he was bang on with the flowers. Lilies are my favourite, and these pink ones are gorgeous. He knows me inside out. They make my room smell and look lovely!

My collection of books is forever expanding, because I have to buy a few books a week due to my course. I love being able to display what I've read, it shows me what I've achieved. There's a lot of book I want to read, but I don't have time because of uni. My list is forever growing though. I've recently been given an assignment in creative writing. I have 2,000 words, and can write whatever I want. I've got a few ideas in mind, but I think it's a really hard task because it's so broad. I guess I'll just have to see where a brainstorm takes me. Hopefully, one day my own book will be on the shelf.

 

The end of October.

It was Halloween last night, but it ended up being a complete fail. We didn't manage to get into the club, so we ended up walking home in the rain. Fun times. Before these events, we had a few people round for a Halloween themed party. We had Vodka jelly (which was gross but they looked good), cupcakes and pumpkins. I was incredibly predictable and went as a cat for the second year running, whilst Tom decided that a zombie would be the best option. Shame we made the effort for nothing! The best part of the night was dressing up. I especially enjoyed doing my nails, which were glittery and black. I will definitely be doing this again, because I think it looks pretty cool.

In a way I'm glad that Halloween is over, because that means the next big event is Christmas. It's such a good time of the year. I love seeing all the lights in the trees and having to wrap up warm because it's freezing outside. Of course I love receiving presents, but buying them is the most stressful thing. I don't have a clue what to get for anyone! However, the thing I'm looking forward to even more than Christmas is seeing my friends again. I can't wait to have everyone back together, and lots of fun times together.

Speaking of friends, I was looking through my leavers book the other day and found this:

Obviously, my best friend Annie had the time of her life drawing this. We both looking stunning, don't you think? She's an artist for sure. Anyway, this drawing is about three and a half years old now. I was worried when we left school that we'd become distant and grow apart. It's great to say that a few a levels and half a degree later, she's still my best friend and I've known her for 8 years. :) Some things don't change, even if another year has flown by.

Ruby Sparks.

I don't usually tend to write film posts, because I usually spend my time moaning or debating, but this film really caught my eye. Now I'm a little bit of a feminist. I believe women should have their own rights and aren't classed as the weaker sex of the two. I don't want a boyfriend to spend his money on me, because I want to earn my own. I don't want to be the one doing all of the cooking while he does typical "manly" things etc. Taking this into consideration, I was a bit unsure about this film, because he has complete control (since he created her) over a woman named Ruby.

The film starts off with a lonely, single man named Calvin. He writes about his perfect woman, thinking that this will help him to find her. The next morning, his creation magically comes to life. I have no idea how that happened, but it's pretty cool anyway. The two start a relationship, which goes well at first. I still find it a bit strange though, because surely he's sleeping with his self conscience? Who am I to judge.

The relationship starts to go wrong when Ruby becomes distant. Calvin has the power to change her, and writes that Ruby should become upset when they aren't together. This takes a turn for the worst, because Ruby becomes too clingy and won't leave Calvin alone. He then changes her again, saying that she should become herself. Problem is, Ruby becomes depressed and almost sleeps with another man. Calvin's digging a hole which is becoming bigger and bigger, for the wrong reasons.

If you don't want to see the plot unravelling, then skip to the last paragraph. Towards the end of the film, Ruby ends up hating Calvin because she feels she is being controlled. Calvin decides to reveal to her that she is his creation and he is able to control her, before giving her freedom into the world by releasing her from his book. They meet again later on in life, and she has not recollection to who he is, but suggests they have "met before, maybe in a previous life". Ironic huh?

Overall the film was so strange, I'll always remember it. Imagine having the power to create your perfect person, exactly how you want. They wouldn't have any irritating flaws, and would look just how you want them to. This could be fun for a while, but wouldn't it get a bit boring? There would be nothing to work on in the relationship, because it would already be perfect. They wouldn't surprise you because you already know everything about them. I'm sure the appearance thing would have doubts, but I can't think why! I like the idea of having to find one person in the world which I want to spend my life with, remembering that the world is huuuuuge. It's a challenge.

October so far.

My flatmate says that a guy who works in Starbucks has a crush on me. I didn't believe her, until he started giving me larger drinks than I'd ordered, which has happened twice now! To be honest, I couldn't drink all of it, but I guess it's the thought that counts. Thank you Mr Starbucks, but it will never happen between us.

I love my bed at university, it's the comfiest thing in the world. I love the fact I can starfish across the entire bed. This is brand new bedding, so I thought I'd take a photo. I think it's pretty! Not a bad job from M&S. My dog (DoggyWoggy) always sits at the bottom of the bed, he guards my room and cuddles me when I need him. He does a good job, bless. 

 I took this photo whilst being at Hardwick with Tom. We decided to get out the house and have a walk around. The weather was cold, but the sunset was lovely. There was this one, lonely tree along the horizon. It made quite a statement, and was a nice contrast against the sky. It'll remind me of our random trip to Hardwick, and the fact we had to drive round and find some eggs for tea afterwards :)

Here's me and the lovely Tom ready for a night at Engine Shed. The theme was "Where's Wally". We don't look very "Wally-ish", but between the two of us we had the right colour scheme. We had fun and it was a good night. He knows what I mean. He's a lovely boyfriend! :)

Also new on the agenda was my trip to Sheffield Arena, to see the amazing comedian Michael Mcintyre. As always, he was hilarious. He had me and my mum in tears. He's such a good comedian because he's down to Earth. He doesn't take himself too seriously, and makes jokes about his life and our society. He says things which we can all relate too. He describes simple things like going to the dentist in a hilarious way. I read his biography, and he had a hard time making it big. He's a great inspiration to our generation.

So far October has been a pretty good month, if I do say so myself.

                                         

The Scarlet Letter.

University make me read some pretty dull books. You know, the ones where nothing actually happens within the plot. Every now and again, a cracker comes along. Quite shocking really. One of these books is called "The Scarlet Letter", which is by Nathaniel Hawthorne. I actually want to take my time and read it, instead of my usual "let's go on spark notes and learn the plot summary" approach.

Basically, it's an American novel which is set during the 17th century. A woman called Hester Prynne (an unfeminine name, I know) awaits for her husband to return from a long voyage. However whilst he is away, Prynne cheats on her husband with a younger man. She is then imprisoned, and when released, is forced to wear a large letter "A" (for adultery) on her clothing until death. To make things worse, she becomes pregnant from the adultery, and has a daughter called Pearl. The two characters are outsiders, and are frowned upon by their community. The public believe Pearl is a creation of sin, and is doomed like her mother.

Cheating is wrong, but this sort of punishment is unnecessary. The character Prynne was lonely. How did she know if her husband was alive? So, she fell in love with another man. Who can blame her, us woman have needs. Consequently for her actions, she remains an outcast for the rest of her life, with help from the large letter "A". For example, children claim they want to "throw mud at her", and Prynne doesn't have any human communication apart from her daughter, Pearl. In my opinion, that's harsh. She wouldn't have been able to escape from her marriage, as divorce back then was hard to attain. I'm not making excuses for any type of adultery, but the members of her society are naive. They do not know the true reason behind her actions, because Prynne refuses to speak the truth.

It just goes to show how judgemental society actually is. Even though this book is based within another century, it just goes to show that times have not changed. Our society is still incredibly judgemental today. It's sad to say that we all do it, especially with something like cheating. We automatically think that person is terrible, but do we really know the reasons behind it? Don't get me wrong, I think cheating is an awful thing, but maybe there's two sides to every story?

Life Update

It's Sunday already. The most boring day of the week. The day where you wait for the upcoming busy Monday. The "Friday feeling" has long gone! Tomorrow I'm in university from 10am until 5pm. That is such a long day! Luckily, the rest of the week is a breeze. I only have another two hours, so it's pretty easy.

I've just received my first assignment which is due in two weeks time. It's the strangest thing ever. I had to edit the first chapter of "Hound of the Baskervilles" down to 1,000 words. It still has to make sense grammatically, and the plot cannot change. It seems like quite an easy task, but that might not be the case once I start. It's worth 15% as well, so hopefully I'll do quite well!

Aside from university, I've been trying to find the perfect cardigan. Problem is, I can't find one anywhere. The fashion is just dreadful at the moment. It's just black, everywhere. Crosses, skulls and studs have also made their way onto the scene. It's plain and boring. The nice cardigans I see are covered in studs. This season is not going my way, at all.

I'm also looking forward to going home this weekend and having a night out with some close friends. I haven't seem them in a while, so it'll be nice to have a catch up. Going on a night out brings out the dreaded question; "what are you going to wear?" answer being I have no idea. I want a really nice dress that I can wear around the christmas period. Hopefully I'll find something!

The weather really has become colder. It's so hard to get out of bed in the morning, because our house is always freezing. Apparently there was a frost this morning, and I can now see my breath whilst walking to university. Winter is coming! I love it. Time to wrap up warm and bring the scarves and gloves out.

Winter is coming.

The weather has suddenly become colder. It won't be long until you're able to see your breath in the cold air. It's time to put away the summer clothing, and bring out the knitted cardigans. I've started to look forward to Christmas. I enjoy seeing the pretty lights hung within the trees. I'm looking forward to seeing some snow, as long as it doesn't disrupt everyday life. It's nice being warm and snug in bed whilst it's freezing outside. Or even coming in from the cold and sitting infront of a fire to warm up. This time of year is one of my favourites. I think seeing the leaves change colour on the trees is beautiful. I especially love it when it's incredibly sunny, but still cold outside. It makes my walks to university more bearable. I'm looking forward to spending the Christmas holidays with my favourite people. I can't quite believe how fast this year has gone, and it's only two more months until 2013, the year I turn 20. I know people say that 20 is young, and it is, but I still think it's a huge step in life. I actually have to start thinking about things. Over the next ten years I want to get married, buy a house, have a good career and eventually have a family. Life seems to be moving very fast. Childhood is long gone. 

But for now, we're still in 2012. A lot has changed this year, but I know that I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, thanks to my friends, family and a certain someone :) Hopefully it will continue in 2013, because I wouldn't change anything for the world. 

University Life

I've realised that I haven't wrote a blog post in weeks now. University has taken over my life. I'm two weeks in, and I'm already finding it difficult. The university has high expectations, which I understand, but they think I'm a super human, which I am not. I cannot read four ginormous books a week, it's impossible. The plot lines are hard to understand, and the language is unbearable. For the text to mean something, I would have to read the book three times over, which I do not do because I actually have a life. Aside from the reading, I also have to research, so I can understand what the hell they are talking about. The books somehow fit into each of the modules, which can be difficult to figure out. To be honest with you, I feel really dumb. I don't feel clever enough to be at university. Half the time I don't really know why I'm here. I took the module "creative writing" to improve my writing skills, and release my creative side. I feel like that was a mistake, because I'm not good enough at it. I just want to sit in the corner and not say anything, because whatever I write is not a good enough standard. Reading back, this is a massively depressing blog post, but I question myself most days. Why am I here?

Aside from university, I'm happy. My cooking skills have improved this year. I've been getting more adventurous. I've managed to cook a BBQ chicken salad, Sunday dinner and egg fried rice. To you, that probably sounds pretty lame. Cooking meat used to make me feel nervous, but now it seems simple. Just call me chef Ramsey. I'm looking forward to going home next week, I think it's what I need. I need to clear my head. A cuddle from my cat will make me happier. Also, I'm seeing the amazing Michael McIntyre on Thursday. I know I'll be crying with laughter. Hopefully university will pick up a bit, but I think it's going to get even harder. Not sure I'll cope!

Freshers.

So, it's freshers week. I'm now in my second year at university. My time at university has been the quickest time of my life. I'm nearly half way through already, what?! Unless I decide to do an MA, but I'm not sure yet because I don't know what to do in life. Being this age is incredibly hard. The future ahead is fuzzy. You don't know what to expect. It's especially hard for me because I don't have a career path in mind, I tend to just go with the flow. I really have no idea what to do, so to be honest I'll probably end up doing an MA just to pass another year, it gives me more time to decide.

Anyway, on Sunday we went out to a fresher's carnival. It was fun, but it wasn't the same as when I went out for my first ever freshers. I've been there, and done that. I've experienced the crazy week. I've experienced talking to hundred's of strangers. I've experienced the craziness, except from it doesn't feel crazy anymore, it just feels normal. Maybe that's me just getting used to the university lifestyle, or maybe I'm just getting old and boring now. I feel that at the end of my second year, I'll have grown up big style. I've got to focus my life around work this year, instead of parties. Last year I hardly did anything, I just went out and scraped my way through onto second year. I know I need to start trying now, because it counts. Shit.

Today we went to the freshers fair, that's always fun. You just get given so much free stuff. Voucher booklets, condoms, pens, sweets, magnets, bottle openers. All sorts. You tend to go there to stock up for the year ahead. The best bit is it's all free, yay. I also received a free cup of coffee and a piece of rocky road. Pretty decent eh? It's because they know we're all broke. People tend to pity the students. All I'll say is you wait until my loan comes through, then I'll be rich!! Well, rich-er. I've still got quite a hectic week coming up, involving a UV paint party, the best night of university. You get covered, it's so so fun and completely crazy. My next update will probably be revolving around the fact that I'm dead, or feeling dead. Might as well have some fun before the work starts on Monday, right?

Photoshop.

A few things I was trying out earlier, can't decide what I like :)

Autumn.

I've had a bit of a boring day today, so I logged onto photoshop and thought what can I draw? It sounds strange, but I like how we go through different seasons in the year. If we didn't, life would get a bit boring don't you think? Autumn is a great time of year. The weather is usually a relatively decent temperature for England. On another bonus, the weather's normally dry. The leaves are starting to fall off of the trees. The cardigans come out of the wardrobe, and the boots and jeans come back out from hibernation. I find Autumn strangely romantic, but maybe that's because I'm pretty useless. The nights are starting to get longer. All you want to do is lie in bed and cuddle, before venturing out into the crisp air for a walk alongside the street lights. Comfort food and long romantic films make their way into your life once again. Of course, you soon start planning for Christmas. The season makes everything look quite pretty. Maybe it's just me, but I love Autumn.

Banner ideas.

These are just a few designs that I've done recently. Can't really decide which one I like best, so I'll probably end up switching them around when I get bored. I wanted to create something original instead of using other people's work. This is just the start to my learning path on photoshop :)

Lincoln and Love.

Well, I've spent a lovely few days with my Tom. Our usual meetings normally consist of lying on the bed or sofa, because we normally become incredibly lazy. We don't get to see much of each other, since we're living in two different places now and we're at two different universities, but we make it work. The thing about having a long distance relationship is we tend to look forward to seeing each other, because we haven't done so for a week or so. I know that it certainly gives me something to look forward to.

This time though, we actually made it out of the house and decided to climb "Steep Hill" in Lincoln. The name pretty much says it all. Lincoln is famous for swans (because there are so many of them they will eventually rule the city) and the cathedral. The cathedral is an absolutely amazing building, it's grand and the architecture is unlike anything I've ever seen. To get to the cathedral, you have to climb an incredibly steep hill. Who needs the gym? It's worth the climb because at the top of the hill is another side to Lincoln which makes the city truly incredible. It's quaint, pretty and historic. It's an escape from the rest of the manic city. There are many tea and coffee shops, as well as chocolatiers and cute shops. There are many restaurants which can be incredibly romantic at night. It's like being in a different city, unlike the student side of Lincoln which is placed conveniently at the bottom of the hill.

Somehow after the huge walk which we embraced, we wasn't tired as we stayed up talking until 6am. There's a quote from "Friends" which reminds me of this situation. Joey does the same with a girl who he's fallen for, before Monica exclaims "you've had the night!" Well, we pretty much did just that. I find it incredible how you can be around a person for so long and it doesn't get boring. I've taken it as a good sign. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but the appearance of my blog looks suddenly different. Cool huh? Credit goes to Tom who taught me to use photoshop. I don't want to be one of those girls who constantly writes about how amazing her love life is, because those sorts of posts just do my head in. This is a one off, and it seemed like a good opportunity for me to promote the beautiful city of Lincoln.

Diets are a load of rubbish.

Way back in June, I wrote a post about the gym. I decided to join the gym in order to try and achieve a "bikini looking body", you know, the type you usually see plastered all over the front of women's magazines which make you feel incredibly small inside. I knew from the start that I didn't want to get carried away and end up as a size 0, because that look just doesn't appeal to me what-so-ever.

I have managed to stick with the gym, it almost feels like a routine now. The gym has had an affect on my diet, I've started to become a lot more strict. I've started to watch what I eat a lot more, and only try to put healthy food inside my body. I've stopped snacking on crisps unless they're low fat, and I only allow myself to have a few squares of chocolate every now and again. Instead of snacking on crap food, I try to be good. I think I've started eating healthier because eating bad food makes me feel guilty, I don't want to spend an hour working hard in the gym to come out and eat a McDonalds, it just doesn't seem worth the effort. I do have a rule though where I can eat whatever I feel like for tea, because you definitely need something to fill you up at tea time otherwise you'll be snacking later on. I do eat foods like biscuits, or the occasional scone and cream (typical English, but it's so good) but in smaller portions instead of scoffing my face. I only ever eat until I'm full, even if there is food left on my plate. Ever eaten food so fast that you feel sick afterwards? Me too. I learnt the other day it takes the brain 20 seconds to realise that it's actually full, so the trick is to eat slowly.

I don't believe in diets, they're a load of rubbish. You'll come off of a diet and put the pounds back on again, because you've not actually changed your eating habits. I've read many times that in order to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle you have to control your eating habits, and it's true. Last year at university, all I ate was pretty much shit. Takeaways all the time because we couldn't be bothered to cook. I noticed that I put about half a stone on about the first year, and this is when I knew I had to change. Eating healthily and going to the gym is the only way to do it. Sorry for those of you firmly believing in diets, but they are a load of rubbish. Put the effort in, and you'll get the results you want.

"meh"

Every now and again, you have a "meh" day. There's really no other word to describe it, you just feel "meh". Most girls will know what I mean by this, but I know a few guys which also have these kind of days. You really have no idea why they happen. I mean, life is good and there's nothing to complain about really, but my body is still telling me that I'm having a "meh" day, so be it.

It sounds strange, but seeing Cheryl Cole on "This Morning" today made me slightly angry within, mainly because she's a blatant liar. Cheryl claimed that she always eats chocolate biscuits, sweets and chocolate. I'm sorry but do you really?! No offence love, but I could see your ribs because you were practically wearing no clothes. She might as well just tell the truth that she will probably have one chocolate biscuit a year otherwise she'd look just like the rest of us (normal) instead looking like a stick who needs a good meal. Not only is she lying, she's putting across an unhealthy message to women and young girls. Cheryl suggests she still looks thin even though she eats crap food, so surely young girls will think that it's okay to live an unhealthy lifestyle? No, just no. Celebrities just seem to annoy me. There is only a few which I actually admire, the ones with actual talent and real beauty. Cheryl is probably a factor which influenced my "meh" day, because she made me mad!

I can't seem to do anything right. I don't really think I have any special skills or anything which I'm really good at, which is quite sad really. I like taking photograph's, but everyone seems to be doing this these days, so I don't see much of an opportunity for myself there. I can draw, but A level art has put me off for a very long time because they've actually made me hate the subject, so I literally haven't drawn since. I'm doing English at university, but I don't really think that's a special subject either. I literally just picked it because I thought it could just about give me any job. I realise that I'm not painting a very good picture of myself, but I really don't know what I'm good at. There are some people which are good at absolutely everything, and I'm like how?! I want to be good at something! I'm hoping I'll figure it out at some point in my life, otherwise I'm a bit boring really.

I should really be starting university work as well. I've got so many books to read that I could actually create a library. Yet again, attitude towards university is "meh", I massively can't be bothered. It's strange because I love reading, but I don't like being told what to read. It makes me not want to read it. I just want to sit and read Harry Potter, not some old boring book which makes me feel asleep! Life is full of so many dilemmas.

Everybody loves Disney.

Disney land is the most incredible place. Everyone is incredibly happy, all of your worries just seem to disappear. This is Disney land, the place where you are surrounded by many of your favourite films. The place where you walk round and see Mickey Mouse just chilling in the middle of the park. The place where you get to go on rides like you've never experienced, like a Toy Story ride (oh my actual god). It's the place of dreams where all of your favourite characters just seem to come alive. It's the land of fairy tales, perfectly displayed by the amazing Cinderella castle, what girl wouldn't like to live there with her Prince Charming? It's one of my favourite places in the world. Disney seem to get away with anything and make it look cool. Their theme parks are incredibly well thought out, and not tacky in the slightest. It's a place full of music, excited crowds, junk food, parades, spectacular events and memories. Disney have four theme parks, because one is just not enough. I was told that Disney is roughly the same size as Manchester, which is pretty incredible. Disney manage to think of every last detail. There hotels are themed, and they manage to make their hotels look like 5 star resorts. I will always be impressed by Disney. I'm already planning on moving into the Cinderella castle and being neighbours with Mickey Mouse, when I've left university anyway. 

Our house, in the middle of the street.

Our student house is starting to feel incredibly homely. We've added a few touches to the living room, and decided that we would use the colours red and purple as a theme, strange I know but it actually looks good. We decided to choose these colours because they aren't too girly, we didn't want our male house mates to come back and think "what the fuck?!"

We've added loads of photographs to hide the boring white walls, and thrown a nice looking rug down to hide the strange blue carpet. I have to say, it looks quite good. It's amazing to come downstairs in the morning, lie on the sofa and stick on Jeremy Kyle. Many people find this normal, but for us students it's a complete privilege. Last year we didn't have a communal television, so we all had to be anti-social and sit alone in our rooms. Also we didn't have sofas, so this house just feels like heaven. I'm really enjoying my double bed, I love how I get to sleep in the middle of the bed and spread out like a starfish, only when Tom's not here anyway, then I get reduced back to my side of the bed!

It sounds stupid, but you really do appreciate the little things in life, like a dishwasher. How the hell did we survive with one sink between 6 of us last year? Truth be told, we didn't. We never cleaned, pots were left to go mouldy which is pretty grim really. This year, we just get to whack the plates straight into a dishwasher. Amazing. What a genius idea, it saves so much time and hassle. One thing I am going to have to get used to will be the 20 minute trek to university at 8am in the morning. That's the only down side about this house, but it'll be ok because if anything it'll keep me fitter. Win!

Society.

I think that I'm becoming addicted to shopping. It's a slight problem which has a huge affect on my bank balance. The influence of fashion is the reason for my addiction, because I enjoy changing small items in my wardrobe to keep up with the current trends. I like the idea that clothes can represent you as a person, but this means you can become incredibly judgemental of others and be constantly judged yourself. The other week whilst at Riley's, a man was wearing a t-shirt which was offensive to women, as it compared us to dogs and ordered us to be in the kitchen. I'm sorry but, what?! Why would any woman find this man attractive when he's just given them an indirect insult? Anyway, if women had sense they would stay away from that man, he doesn't deserve anyone but himself. I'm told by friends and my mum that I sometimes get stared at by other women. Are these good or bad stares? What the hell are they thinking of me? It makes me incredibly paranoid, but there's not a lot really I can do because I'll never know what they think.

Even though we all hate to admit it, we automatically judge someone on what they're wearing. This is probably one of the reasons why I'm so fashion conscious, I worry about what other people will think of me. New clothes make me feel less insecure for a while, but in the end they usually make their way to the charity shops. There are only a few clothes which I will never throw away, because I feel completely myself in them. For instance, polo shirts. I love them, they always look good and I always feel better for wearing one. Of course, by wearing a polo shirt someone will automatically judge me as an "indie kid", but hey it's not like that at all, I just like the damn t-shirt. I enjoy wearing skinny jeans, and converse or vans. I'll probably get judged as an "indie kid" for that also, but to be honest it's just what I like. Dresses are usually a problem area for me. I'd never get away with wearing a figure hugging dress because I'm just way too curvy, so I always pick a dress to emphasise my waist and disguise my huge hips. I get that curves are good, but you still have to dress yourself in the right way otherwise you just look daft.

I enjoy walking into shops and seeing all of the pretty clothes. I automatically know if they're "me" or not, whether I will splurge out and buy the clothing or walk away with my head hanging. I hate trying on clothes because I just think "only a skinny model will fit into this", which is quite depressing and sad as it goes. I have trouble figuring out what will suit me. I don't think I have my own style, but as it goes I guess that's good. It makes me unpredictable. Who wants to be boring and fit into a stereotype anyway? I don't know how to do my hair, I still don't really get how to have my make up. I don't know what suits me. It's a hard life being a woman, and a teenager trying to fit into this society. Fact.

University.

Before I came to university, I heard all sorts of stories. I was told that I would become independant, because I have to start doing things for myself, such as learning to cook and figure out how to use a washing machine. Turns out, they were right. When I first started university I couldn't cook a thing. I daren't actually cook raw chicken to put into a curry, so I used ready cooked chicken pieces, but turns out it didn't taste so good. I learnt a lot from my flat mates, and started to gain confidence in becoming more independent. I had to figure out a new routine to fit into the university life style. I became lazy, stereotypical for students. The only time I'd bother making an effort was each time we went on a night out, but only to come home looking rough as. It was an experience, I already feel like I've grown up loads.

Now that I'm actually living in a house instead of student halls, I feel ever so slightly more grown up then before. I actually have responsibility of looking after a property, I can't just run to my parents for help. We have knowledge of what to expect within university life, we're not innocent freshers any longer. I actually have a dishwasher, no more dishes going mouldy down the side of the kitchen. We have a television and sofa's, instead of being sat watching a laptop screen around the kitchen table. Right now, life is good, but I wish life stayed this way, I know I will becoming stressed with work soon...

Relationships.

In life, you will meet all sorts of people. Some of those people will just become acquaintances. The kind of person who you either nod at or say "hey" when you see them in the street, and that's all they will ever be in life. Your family are the one type of relationship which you are stuck with, there's no getting rid of them. As annoying as this can be, it's good to have some sort of security in your life. They can't really go anywhere, and if they do you'll always be blood related. There are the types of relationships which no longer exist, such as an ex or a friend you no longer have contact with. Yet at one point, this person meant something or everything to you, and they knew you inside out. It's a rather strange concept when you think about it, but life goes on and there are always new people making their way into your life.

Friendship is an entirely different sort of relationship. You can choose your friends, you pick who you become close to. You can tell this person anything without them being judgemental, or scarred for life. You choose to trust this person, and know that they will always be there for you. Life never seems to be boring when you're around them. There are people in my life who I know will be my friends for a long time, so in my eyes that's a pretty straightforward and simple relationship because I know they won't be going anywhere.

So, there's this one word which makes a simple relationship/friendship become incredibly complicated, you've got it, it's the L word. What happens when you start liking one of your best friends? Do they like you back, do you carry on as normal, do you tell them how you really feel or will it make things awkward? Suddenly, the relationship isn't so simple anymore. You start noticing them in another light, you smile when you think of them and always want to be in their company. You become jealous easily of other women around them, and you want them to be yours. You suddenly start to think "what the hell has happened to me?" Cupid has struck, and you're in a chokehold. 

I've never acted on any feelings towards male friends before, because I thought it was too risky. For some reason, this time was different. I partly knew there was something more between us, something more than just friendship. There was some sort of tension, kind of like I wanted to take him aside and jump on him. I had an urge that he felt the same. I went ahead and made my move, which luckily worked in my favour because he's know my boyfriend. The best thing about being with your best friend is you already know everything about them. There's no awkward phases, everything feels comfortable. I feel like I need him in my life because he's been around for so long now. I know it was the right thing to do, because each time we kiss it makes me think "why haven't we been doing this all year?". It took us a while, but we got there and we're happy. 

It doesn't always turn out with such a fairytale ending, but if you feel there is something more than friendship I recommend you try it. You never know, you might end up living happily ever after. 

Life in general.

So today I'm moving back to Lincoln, to get ready for a new term at university. I'm just about packed, my life is pretty much in boxes right now. I don't seem to have a permanent home at the moment, I tend to live in two places, one being "home home" at Chesterfield and of course Lincoln. I always look forward to moving back because it's good to have my own space and freedom, but I always know I'm going to miss home. It's the little things which I miss, like the random drives with friends, shopping at Meadowhall, having a few down the pub and of course "ROAD TRIPS". It's a summer full of memories which are now fully stored away in my brain. I'm ready for the next stage of my life, I know this year at university will be hard work but bring it on. I'm ready to get out the winter cardigans, hats and scarves. I'm ready to be snowed in, watching endless movies with a hot chocolate. Yet I know that a few months into Winter, I'll be complaining about the cold weather and fantasising about a hot summer. It's just a British thing, we like to complain. You can't win really.

I realise that I haven't blogged in a while, but currently I don't have time, but I might do later on today... it depends. I'm a busy girl! I thought I'd write a list of what to write about, just incase I forget my ideas.

My trip to America,
Relationships,
Documentaries,
Life as it is,
Clothing/Personality,
University.

:)

America.

America. For just under three weeks. Monday. Excited.

This is the last full day I'll be at home for a while. I'm sure going to miss my bed! Tomorrow, we're travelling down to my cousins house, in order to be nearer the airport for when we fly Monday afternoon. There is still so much to do, yet I've been sat in my room with my cat watching films and television programmes on my laptop. We've not even started packing yet, oops. The flight will be around eight hours, so we'll arrive at 8pm UK time, but since the time difference is five hours, we'll be going back to 3pm in the USA, which means hello jet-lag. I always get a bit apprehensive before flying, especially on such a long flight.

Normally, people go away to have a long and relaxing holiday. This certainly won't be happening in America. If anything, I might as well be going on holiday for three weeks to the gym, but in heat. It might be torture, I'll have to see how I cope. I don't really handle heat well, so we'll see. We've got many things to do everyday, to make the most of our time in America. Since it's so expensive to go there, this is only my second time which I've been. I can't remember anything from last time, since I was only eight years old, but I do remember thinking it was incredible. No other holidays have ever quite beaten America. I just hope it lives up to expectations, as I've got very high hopes for this holiday.

Disney Land is on the agenda. This means meeting many of the characters and getting their autographs. Disney Land also gives me the opportunity to take lots of interesting photography, such as the famous Disney castle which is featured at the beginning of every movie. The best bit will be experiencing many of the rides which Disney have to offer. It's going to be such a good experience. Roller Coaster wise, America are way ahead of the UK. I'm also incredibly excited to go to Universal Studio's in Orlando, home to the world of Harry Potter. I'll get to go in the castle, go in Olivander's wand shop, and go to the Weasley's joke shop. There are also a few rides which are quite a mystery, I'm not really sure what they do, so it'll be fun to see how they've adapted to make a Harry Potter ride.

Going to America also means food, and lots of it. I'm just hoping that I don't come back a stone heavier, yet with the humidity and the heat being so high, I think most of my energy will be going on keeping me awake. America is one of my favourite places in the world, and I can't really believe I'm going back again, it's been over eleven years. The next time I go may be eleven years later, with my own family and children, which is quite a strange thought. I know I'm going to love every minute of this holiday, it's incredibly special as I'm going with eight members of my family, three of those are children. This therefore gives me an excuse to act like a child and get away with it. I know I'm going to miss friends from home a hell of a lot, since I won't really be able to speak to them very much. Yet I know they'll be there when I get back, hopefully anyway!

Women.

There are many different types of women, which is not a bad thing of course since everyone is born to be different. Some women are incredible role models, for example Emma Watson. She is recognised as being incredibly classy, beautiful and clever, which is obvious as she's now studying at Oxford University. She doesn't represent any sort of fakery, such as fake tan, extensions or false eyelashes. I admire her because she embraces her natural beauty, and she doesn't feel the need to "dumb herself down" in order to make the opposite sex like her. She has a talent (acting) and she's good at what she does. She achieved her dreams at the age of 11 because she worked hard in order to do so. She is respected and likeable, and most women I know want to be her. Surely this is how women would like to be portrayed?

Sadly, it doesn't seem so. Take a night out for example. Most women dress to impress, but for all of the wrong reasons. They only want one thing, which is to "pull" someone, usually a guy which is also only interested in one thing. In order to do this, fakery seems like the best option. To some extent, fakery can be beneficial, but the women which annoy me are the ones which take fakery to the extreme. One example is hair extensions. If done properly and they look realistic, I don't have a problem. When they look tacky and obvious, it's best to just leave them out. Some women seem to think it's a good idea to plaster themselves in fake tan, and think it's attractive to have patchy skin. Why?! Surely it's better to look natural and to have a tan which looks like you've just come back from your holiday, instead of looking like you've been "tangoed". To show off their patchy skin, their shortest dress makes it's way out of the wardrobe, so short in fact that they might as well just be wearing underwear. Yet again, why?! I've asked many guys their opinions on this, and they all seem to say the same thing. If women wear more clothes, the guys have to use their imagination. They tell me that classy women are much more attractive, and are less likely to have slept around as they don't portray the image of being "easy and available". Guys like a challenge, so try not to make things to easy for them.

So where do I fit in? I never go out in order to try and "pull" someone. Of course I want to look nice to some extent, but with some form of classiness. I tend to avoid the hair extensions, the fake tan and incredibly short clothing, because none of those things represent me. I'm not naturally tanned, I don't need or want to use extensions, and I don't want to have the majority of my body out because it gives off the wrong impression, and I would be incredibly paranoid all night. So why give the impression of someone what I'm not? The majority of my female friends seem to think in the same way as me, they think natural is better and classier. This doesn't stop us from getting death stares by the fake girls on nights out, and to be honest I'm not sure I'd like to know what they think. It just goes to show that image does count for something, and if I'm going to meet someone who's going to be in my life, I'd like to give them the right impression.

1st August 2012

It feels like a while since I last wrote a blog post, but I don't really have anything to say. Nothing very interesting anyway. At the moment, life is pretty content. It's pretty much like a waiting game. I'm waiting to go to America on Monday, and exciting as it is, I've got a feeling that it could be quite stressful at some points. The plane journey for example, dreading it. 8 hours is a long time to be sat doing nothing, so we'll just have to see how I get on. It'll all be worth it though, because I know when I get there I'll be diving into the arms of Mickey Mouse, hell yes. The heat is also slightly worrying me, because I know it's going to be absolutely insanely hot, as in to hot to move. I seem to struggle in heat, so that should be an experience as well. I know that I'll look anything but attractive! Not much chance of me finding my Disney's Prince Charming in America, ah well. 

At the moment, I'm quite missing my independence. I got used to living on my own whilst I was away at Uni, and it's strange to come back and lose the majority of my independence. My car Poppy keeps me going though. I've only cooked once while I've been at home, and now I'm getting worried I'll have forgotten how to. It'll be strange having to get back into the whole routine again, it took me ages to figure myself out when I started Uni last year. I know now that I'm a completely different person to who I was when I first started Uni last year as well, and it makes me wonder if I'll change anymore. I guess living in a house will allow me to gain even more independence, I even reckon I'll probably end up maturing even more. It won't be like halls where there are people everywhere, just having fun, such as water fights in the hall way and mattress surfing down the stairs etc. Now we've got the responsibility of looking after a house, no maintenance to come and save our asses like last year. It's a strange thought, but I'm sure that I will get used to it. 

I still reckon I'm trying to find myself in this world. I've started thinking of possible career ideas, where I could live, and what I'm going to do after Uni. It's quite strange thinking of such serious thing, as when I leave Uni it'll be the first time I've been out of education since I was about 3. Then I'm plunged into the real world, what the hell am I going to do? Scary, but that's just life. Freshers is coming up, and that's making me really excited. A week of going to mad parties, getting drunk and lying about in the day doing nothing pretty much equals a student's heaven, just saying.

A general post.

To be honest, for once I don't really have anything which I need to rant about. Or I can't think of anything off of the top of my head, so this might be a bit boring! It's just basically an update on life. I've finally started cracking on with some university work, one because I'm bored, and two because being a second year is slightly scary and I don't want to fail. My university has decided that they want to test us, by giving us some seriously hard books to read. I guess this will do us good in the long run, making us more educated in literature, but until that point of realisation I will continue to think "these books are fucking boring."

Aside from becoming more knowledgeable in literature, I've been out with friends most of the time, or spending time at the gym trying to get the "dream body", which will never happen, because food is just too good. I've been to Alton Towers twice this holiday, and I still love it. The adrenaline rush has kind of gone though, mainly because I've been on the rides so many times I know exactly what's coming. Bring on America. My student loan is slowly getting lower and lower, mainly being because of my car, which just seems determined to make me poor. It's working, £50 a time on petrol... could have bought a new outfit for that, terrible.

It's been nice catching up with friends who I've not seen for a long time. Especially those who I went to school with, as we can sit for hours and talk about school memories. We then feel old for doing this, and realise that we'll soon be sorting out our future careers and trying to find someone who can survive being married to us. Wow, times change. It's also amazing being at home, it's like royalty. No cooking, cleaning or washing. Cups of tea are on demand. Strangely though, I am missing living away from home. I miss my independance. Yet I know it'll come round before I know it, and then I'll be missing people from home again. It's a situation in which I can't really win. Also, before I know it, I'll be back from America, the Christmas tree will be going up, and then I'll be turning the dreaded 20. Life is going incredibly fast!

"How do You Stay so Strong?"

Quite a few people ask me on a regular basis the question "how do you stay so strong?" To be honest it's quite a hard question to answer, but to put it simply I just tell people to "get on with it". Until the last two years, my life has been quite a breeze. I didn't experience any childhood drama such as bullying. My parents are happily married. I'd never experienced any tragic disasters, such as death. I guess this made my childhood quite easy, I was rather carefree. I didn't really care what people thought, I just simply enjoyed life.

It was in my late teenage years when I started to experience some of the cruel events which occur in life, such as the death of my grandad. This was the first family member which i'd lost, and as awful as the experience was it only made me stronger, and ready to face the more negative events which would come in the future. I had an incredibly difficult year, including my dad having a heart attack, and soon after my relationship ended when my boyfriend at the time fell for another woman. Yet again, the incidents only seemed to make me stronger. These incidents were all going on at the time of my A levels, and as hard as it was, I put all my effort into passing them. This evidentially payed off, since I'm now at Lincoln University.

My attitude to life is that you only live once. It's spontaneous, not planned. Of course, there will be hard times but there will be many more positive ones. I don't tend to let things affect me. When an incident happens, I cry and talk it through, but then I tend to just try and move on, and it works. Keep yourself happy by arranging positive things. You have to be strong within life and not let the negative things defeat you and bring you down, otherwise you'll be upset all of the time. You have to try and stay happy and strong. Through a rough patch, remember that it won't last forever, and soon you'll be smiling again. People who've hurt you before are no longer in your life, they don't deserve your tears. Besides, there are plenty more people who care about you and want you to be happy, so smile for them but only if you mean it. Never fake a smile, it'll just make you feel worse, it's much better to talk things through with someone who cares.

Each morning, listen to a song which makes you instantly happy. It'll set you up for the rest of the day. Having ups and downs in life is all part of the journey, here's where the cheesy line "life's like a roller coaster" comes in, but it's kind of true. Be your own person, don't take shit from others, and remember that you're only here once.

Cheating.

Cheating. It's a thing that's so common we hear about it on a regular basis, whether it's from someone you know or being publicised within the media. Each individual knows cheating is classed as a bad thing, so why do people continue to do it? One simple answer could be, the person is a coward. They are cunning, and plot behind their partners backs (the ones are they supposed to love). They daren't tell their "love" that they no longer want to be in a relationship with this person. What a wimp. For one, I would never cheat on a person, because if I was no longer happy within a relationship I would have the curtsey to say. The person deserves some sort of respect, especially if they've been with you for a significant amount of time.

From personal experience, cheating is an incredibly heartbreaking experience. Yet you pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes and move on. It's good to have an inside knowledge, as I can now identify when something isn't right within a relationship. It's easy to spot the key things which indicate that something's up. For instance, they may be spending a lot of time on their phone, and when you ask they become incredibly defensive and instead turn the blame on you being "paranoid". They don't seem to be as intimate with you anymore, they always seem on edge and never relaxed. This clearly isn't normal behaviour. Follow your gut instinct, as it's normally correct. If you feel that something is wrong, it's your bodies way of defending itself and telling you to flight from the situation, or even fight if you find evidence that your partner is cheating.

Cheating is always something which makes me annoyed and angry. It doesn't seem like a morally correct thing to do, especially to someone who you're meant to care about. When a friend is cheated on, it's left to me to pick up the pieces and put them back together again, all because their partner didn't have the courage to tell the truth. Yes, the truth may sometimes hurt, but it's better to be hurt quickly rather than over a long process, which normally will take twice as long to heal. To anyone who would never dream of cheating and hurting their partner, well done to you. You're the decent, kind and truthful individuals which are needed within our society.

English.

I'm an English student, so surely I should be a massive book-worm, right? Wrong. Since beginning my course at university, reading books has been something which has turned more into a chore than a pleasure. It's difficult to accept because I used to love reading as a kid. Reading expanded my imagination, allowing me to dive into all kinds of fantasy worlds, a true escape from reality. Back then, I read what I like. Yet now, I read what I'm told. It kind of makes me not want to do it, sort of like a rebellion against the cruel lecturers at university.

In all honesty though, there have been some books which I've been forced to read which have made their way onto my list of favourites. For instance, "The Great Gatsby" is quite a tragic love story, twisted with the idea of living within a fake society, a world in which everyone was obsessed with money. The women didn't marry for love, they married for money. Marriages almost always ended badly because being unhappy in the marriage led to cheating. To be honest, this kind of indicates that money isn't everything. These days, people tend to marry for love instead of money (even though the divorce rate is now 1 in 3 couples, which is actually appalling). Although, the concept of marrying for love is probably biased on my behalf, as I'm quite a romantic and I'd never marry for money, yet some selfish people will. Going back to the original point, the book is interesting because it's so unlike our society today.

Another one of my favourite books which I have been forced to read is "The Catcher in The Rye", a tale about a boy experiencing the troubles all teenagers face. He troubles with trying to fit into society, growing up and talking to the opposite sex. He seems to hate the idea of adulthood, and constantly tries to remain a child forever (basically those annoying people who need to act their age). At some points of the book, I could relate to the narrator. He is incredibly sarcastic, something which I seem to be fluent in these days. There were times when I wanted to tell the narrator to grow up and sort himself out, yet there was something likeable about him. It's strange how someone who doesn't exist can have such an impact on you, something which I've always loved about literature.

I love the idea that I can escape to some sort of fantasy world at anytime, even if it does seem a task with some of the awful books which the university makes me read. Books which have an everlasting affect on me means the author must be incredible. It's incredibly interesting how each author writes so differently, as a reader you're able to expand your imagination and knowledge just from picking up a book. I do complain about how much I have to read all the time, which is more than likely my fault as I picked an English course... well done me.

Lucid Dreaming.

Whilst at a friends recently, I came across a concept which i'd never heard of before, called lucid dreaming. At first, I thought my friends were a bit crazy when they first started describing it, because it's such a strange concept. The simple idea is that you develop a skill which enables you to control what happens in your dreams. Usually dreams are all in the self conscious right? You can't control what happens in your sleep. Apparently, with practise you can. So I thought i'd try and begin the process, if I can anyway.

To start, you have to create some kind of log to record your dreams in. I've just decided to have a notebook and a pen beside my bed. Turns out, it's harder than you first think. Usually when I wake up from a dream, I forget it straight away, and then I end up getting incredibly frustrated, especially if the dream was immense. In order to lucid dream, you apparently have to train yourself to remember your dreams, hence the dream journal. I also don't seem to dream a lot either, so it's going to take me a lot longer to get used to the concept. So far, i've remembered about two dreams.. in about a week. Useless! If you ever manage to crack the concept though, imagine the possibilities? I could marry whoever I wanted, live in a huge house, fly or change my appearance. To put it plainly, if I can control my dreams it will be immense, and kind of like being in your own movie.

I was also told that I needed some sort of reality check, which I found incredibly strange at first. For instance, putting your thumb to the palm of your hand. If your thumb goes through your hand, you know that you're dreaming (or injured, one or the other). It sounds a bit messed up really, but I'm willing to give it ago anyway, just to say that i've done it.

America.

I realised today that I go to America in about 4 weeks. I have never been so excited for anything in my life! Ive been once before in my life but I think I was only 8, so I can't really remember anything. I have blurred visions of the famous Disney castle, featured at the beginning of every disney film. I can't wait to see it, especially now I have a decent camera! Disney land is definitely going to be the highlight of my holiday. Normally, people dressed in costumes normally scare me. When I was 8 and I saw a character, I ran in the opposite direction. Not this time, my fear will be faced. Mickey mouse will become my new best friend!

Aside from the characters, I'm especially looking forward to the rides. Alton towers is my favourite place in the uk, so America will be an absolute dream for me. Rita and 13 are starting to become a bit tame for me, so bring on the tower of terror (the name says it all). Im ready to be scared, I need a decent fix of adrenaline. Disney land is the chance to become a kid again, for three weeks only, aside from playzone at Lincoln, haha! We're also going to the universal studios, and that means going to the world of Harry potter, which I am incredibly excited for! I've already informed my mum that I will be buying a wand, trying butterbeer and buying sweets and gadgets from the weasleys shop. Exciting times ahead!

Aside from the excitement of being a child again, we're also going to a place called sanibel island in Florida. From the pictures, it looks like heaven. The island is completely isolated, with white beaches and blue seas. On top of that, we're staying in our own villa. To be honest, I am beyond excited. I'm ready to go. I will enjoy every minute of it, as once that's over I've got a stressful year at Uni to worry about. Once re-freshers is finished anyway ;)

MAOAM

Okay, so now I'm feeling on a roll with the whole writing thing. I've realised I've not done a post on my best friend! As mentioned in my last post, Annie box is my bestie and has been for around 8 years now. Long time huh? Is started in year 7, I think I met her on the day of my birthday. Back in the day! And since then we clicked straight away, and we've been inseparable ever since. We went to different colleges, and now we're at different universities and she's still my best friend, which is quite special I think. I'm so lucky to have a friendship like that! It's so good infact, and she told me the other day her flatmates were saying they wanted a friendship like ours, that's pretty cool if you ask me. We also get asked quite a lot "why don't you send each other x's on texts?" .. mainly because we talk too much and we dont need too cause we both know we love each other! Awwww.

We've both had quite a few groups of friends together, yet when they seemed to go off and do their own thing, me and Annie still stuck together. Of course we've got our immense other two now, but Annie will always remain number one, sorry guys! We've had so many memories together that I struggle to remember the majority of them. Good job I've got quite a few in my leavers book! School feels like so long ago! We had a lot of times where me and Annie seemed to fall over, a lot. I won't go into school memories because this would turn into an incredibly long post!

We've had our various good and bad relationships growing up together. I only have to say newbold, green and blue jeans for her to understand what I'm on about. We've had incredibly hard times, and we've both supported each other through them. I know that I can always turn to her about anything, which makes things easier. We've both got the same sense of humour which helps, we're both rather sarcastic. When I say rather, I mean incredibly. This skill of ours comes in useful when we're trying to win the guys in "banter wars"' or it can make awkward situations become hilarious. We can look at each other and know what the other is thinking, a skill which only happens when you know each other inside out. Nobody knows me like annie does, and I think its the same the other way round. I know I can rely on her without her letting me down. Also we tell each other everything and anything. I feel incredibly lucky to have a friend like her. Let the good times continue!

Truth be told, I don't have enough words or time to talk about us. I'd be here for days if I wrote everything down, and that would be quite a waste of time! So box, just know you'll always be my bestie now, sorry about that. You're my twin, as we've been told numerous times, but I think that's a pretty good compliment. Also this is your birthday present so you'd best appreciate it. I'm joking, I'll get you a present really! P.s. MAOAMMM.. mm mm.

My three.

I realised this morning that I've not done a post in a while, mainly because I've not had any issues which require a serious ranting, so this will be a bit random instead, mainly about what I've done with my three.

I've had a pretty busy few weeks, but I think I needed it. I'm starting to become so much more like myself again, I actually feel happy for the majority of the time, yay! One of my recent events involved a trip to Alton towers with my three best friends, and that was an experience in itself. The journey there was a nightmare, it was almost as if Alton towers was saying "go home, we don't want you to come". Kieren made the statement "if we get through the boundaries and make it to Alton towers we will have an amazing day", and he was right... luckily! After seeing many car crashes, going through incredibly heavy rain and being defeated by the sat nav, we made it and it was an amazing day. Oblivion, sonic spinball, 13 and Rita are immense, just saying. So good in fact that we're going again on Friday the 13th (which I am rather worried about, I don't want my way to go to be on a ride). One of the funniest things was a quote we found on google, when I asked it the question "why does sonic spinball only have 3 people at a time when raining?" .. The answer was "because when it rains, sonic gets angry and throws people off the ride" hahahaha.

I've basically seen my favourite three just about everyday, and it's made me love them even more. Our new thing is playing pool, me and Annie are seriously improving. We were so determined to beat the guys we actually went and secretly practised playing pool at Riley's (shhh). We were so bad that we had to google how to hold a pool stick! Yet, the practise payed off as we beat Kieren (twice might I add) at pool, yay for us! Even though we might have won, it doesn't stop the banter, which is just about none stop I should add. Luckily we don't take it seriously, otherwise we'd probably hate each other by now!

The four of us also have many events planned, mainly being competitive ones. For instance, next week we're having a day playing mario kart, whilst drinking I might add. It's going to end up being messy. We are all so determined to win that we're all practising at our own homes the day before. You might think that's sad but I call it serious dedication. Me and Annie need to win Tom and Kieren, at something. Anything even. Desperate times cause for desperate measures. When we aren't desperately trying to win each other, we do enjoy normal things for teenagers. We've got a few things planned, such as Sheffield for annies birthday on the 9th, which should be immense, and again messy I should probably add. Truth be told, I love the three of them. We always have an immense time, never argue either. We may all be quite different, but I think that's why it works (apart from Annie who is my twin, seriously). I never get bored of their company, because we always end up in fits of laughter. I feel like we've definitely got closer recently, but we've always been quite close. I definitely think I needed those guys in order to get me through quite a rough time, and they've been incredible. Even if I do get a lot of stick, it's all part of the banter! Let the good times continue :)

The future.

The future interests me. I don't know what's to become of me until I get there. Is life planned out for us, or is it spontaneous? I guess we'll never know. I seem to have quite a laid back approach to life, whatever happens.. well happens. I always wanted to go to university but I didn't know if I would, I thought I'd just see when I got to the right age. The thought of going motivated me to do well in my a levels. I didn't and still don't have a career planned, the only reason I took English at university was because I'm good at it. I aim to just see what happens after university. Some people might think I'm crazy, but it works for me. I don't need to have life planned out, because I believe that it's spontaneous.

I also think marriage is a spontaneous idea. If you find someone to marry, then brilliant. Someone might never find the right person, because they might be on the opposite side if the world, meaning they may never meet. I for one would love to get married someday, but only to the right person. If I don't meet them, I don't get married. Your friends are also spontaneous. They could have gone to any school, or been living in any other place in the world. But I met them when I did and we became friends. I've spontaneously met many people who I now need in my life, that's a pretty special thing. The good thing about life being spontaneous is we don't know what's going to happen. It makes us work hard, it makes us aim higher and believe in a bright future.

Stereotypes.

I'm not one for believing that everyone fits into a certain stereotype, you are your own person, why do we have to be categorised? High school is the place where the idea of stereotypes really kicks in. For instance, the popular kids. I'm sorry but, who decided to make those people kings and queens of the world? They are no different from me and you. I'm not one to judge, but to be honest they always really intimidated me. I never really spoke to the popular kids, because they always seem to speak down to everyone else. Being a member of their crowd didn't really appeal to me, I'd much rather get on with everyone else who is level headed and real, no matter what the stereotype is.

The next stereotype I can think of would be the gothic/emo kids. I for one had no problem with these people, they seemed down to earth and real, they just expressed theirselves in the way they dressed and looked, they deliberately made a statement. What is the problem in that? There's no harm in expressing yourself appearance wise, some people frown upon it (especially the popular kids) but at the end of the day, they are who they are. Get to know the person not the stereotype!

I seemed to fit into the "normal" people at school, I cannot think of a single stereotype for my crowd. There was a nice mix of us, being both boys and girls. We had fun, went to house parties and just enjoyed ourselves. We didn't think we were gods gift, we talked to everyone no matter what stereotype. People weren't intimidated by us, isn't that the way high school should be? People shouldn't get bullied by what they like!

At school, I was a free spirit. I hadn't really found myself. I didn't know what type of clothes to wear, or how to do my hair and makeup. The majority of the girls looked the same in order to be accepted, which was a side parting with a large fringe covering one eye. I eventually got past this phase. I've only started finding myself whilst being at university. Nobody cares what you look like, it's great! Simply because we've all been thrown into the same boat together, the huge step of leaving home. I've started finding things out about myself which I never knew before. I like my hair to be big and messy. Wearing polo shirts are my guilty pleasure. I love converse and vans. I like wearing bright red and pink lipstick. I love listening to all kinds of music, but mainly indie, alternative, rave and rock. What kind of stereotype is that? Truth be told, I don't care. I've finally been accepted in a none judgemental world for who I am, and I'm loving life :)

Elle magazine competition

Every woman should have a little black dress within their forever expanding wardrobe. It's a key essential, a piece of timeless fashion which never seems to go out of style. It makes you feel confident, womanly and sexy. It completely flatters your body shape adding curves in all the right places. It magically makes you look slim, even though you've secretly just ate a huge portion of chocolate cake. The little black dress is almost like a security blanket, hidden away in your wardrobe for when you need it most. It aims and succeeds to always make you feel gorgeous, even on your bad days when nothing seems to be going right, the dress will rescue you.

My first and only little black dress was purchased for a party in my early teenage years, during my "gothic" phase. Looking back on the photos soon after the party, the dress looked like a complete fashion disaster. I remember thinking "I'll never get a boyfriend!" I'd styled it all wrong, wearing bright purple tights and topping it off with bright purple accessorises. To put it bluntly, I looked like a plum which had gone off. The dress returned to the wardrobe, and was thrown somewhere to the back in embarrassment and despair. I couldn't face wearing the dress again, it had  made me look like gone off fruit.

The dress remained unloved for the majority of my teens, before finally making its way out of my wardrobe when I moved to university. During this time, I'd turned into a woman, suddenly producing a curvaceous and voluptuous figure. I had also found some fashion sense, mainly from magazines and the wisdom of my mother. I found the dress lurking in my wardrobe and tried it on, forgetting all about the "off fruit" incident from before. Hang on a minute, the dress made me look good. It flattered my curves and made me look slimmer. "It's some kind of miracle" I thought, and since that moment the dress and myself have never parted. It is a firm staple piece of my wardrobe, and will remain that way for as long as I can fit into it. 

The Gym.

Today I've decided to join a gym at home, pure motivation in order to achieve a better looking body in order for America, and also for when university starts again in September. In general, I'm quite confident in myself but this tends to lack appearance wise, mainly because of pressure from the media. These days there seems to be a perfect body type; women are supposed to be skinny, with perfect legs and a flat stomach, not a bit of flab in sight. Men on the other hand are supposed to be incredibly toned, with huge muscles and a toned six pack. For me, both of these stereotypes are just bizarre. What woman wants to be stick thin with no curves? Some people may find it strange for me not to find men with muscles attractive, but it's true. I'd just prefer to have a man that's normal and with a bit of chub. If the guy is full of muscles, he'll be spending his life in the gym, and what sort of life is that? A pretty boring one if you ask me.

So yes, I am going to start going to the gym. Yet this is purely to improve my fitness and try to tone up the chub, mainly in areas where I'm least confident, such as my arms. I will never go as far as being anorexic. For one, I'm a lover of food. We only live once, so why spoil one of life's pleasures in order to achieve the media's desire? I for one do feel pressure from the media, such as the bmi scale, a factor which takes into consideration your height and weight in order to determine if you are underweight to obese. In my eyes, what a load of rubbish. This doesn't take into account your bone structure, or for women what bra size you are etc, common factors which will affect your "bmi". The media portrays the idea that skinny is good. When I've spoken to male friends and asked what their views are, every response has been that they prefer a curvy girl, or in other words a girl where they have love handles to grab onto. Holly willoughby for instance is a great example. She embraces her womanly curves, yet she is fit and toned. She's basically the woman that most men dream for, and to me that's great because it's actually realistic and achievable, and she looks like a woman should do.

Everyone has secret doubts about their body, me included. I for one hate my arms and my legs, and that's a fact. Many friends of mine hate various other parts of their bodies, but I think that they look fine, healthy and normal even. It just goes to show that body confidence is all in the mind. Some people take it more serious that others. I know that I won't be giving up roast dinner and chocolate anytime soon. I also know that I'll never been 100% happy with my body, it's just something I need to learn to accept and deal with. On that note, it's time to eat a rather large sandwich and then hit the gym.

..oh yeah, and after today I'm technically no longer a fresher :( even more sad times! r.i.p freshers xxx

Here it is;
Moving out day, sad times! Sat in my room writing this blog post for the last time. Looking around now my room looks completely empty, and somehow it almost seems smaller. It's strange to think that there have been so many memories in this room. Many tears, laughs, hugs, tv moments, getting ready for a night out, love, fun etc. 


I remember the day after moving in here, and waking up in this room thinking "wow, I'm actually at university", which still hasn't really sunk in! I also remember waking up and thinking "where the hell am I?" Of course, my flat mates are what have made my time at halls special. 


When moving in, I was incredibly worried I wouldn't get on with anyone, or people wouldn't like me. I was wondering if I would be stuck in my room for the next year, not having anyone to talk too. But it turns out I was completely wrong. We've all been incredibly lucky, we all get on well, there hasn't been a single argument. Now I know that i've made friends for life, something which seems incredibly special for me. 


Even though this chapter of my life ends today, I take forward all the memories and the good times which have happened within this flat. It's been an experience and a half, and even though I will miss halls more than anything, I'm ready to give up my room to the next person who'll be moving in shortly. Living in a house will seem much more personal, and it's a new chapter in life which I get to experience.


So here's to court 14, apartment 14. The best year of my life, and it all happened within this building. I love halls, I love this flat and I love my room, especially my shower and bed! 

4th June 2012;
Had a bit of a strange but good day today! The day started off being a bit depressing, as the majority of my photographs came down. My room doesn't even look like mine anymore, apart from a few possessions and posters. It looks more like a box. I remember on moving in day, as I first walked into my new room, I thought "oh my god, what a prison cell!" but it became more homely as the time went on. It'll surely take a lot longer to move out than it did to move in! Certainly not looking forward to packing up my belongings and sorting out the kitchen on Friday/Saturday. It's got to happen at some point though I guess.


Then, some other stuff started hitting me. For some reason, I woke up feeling quite alone today. But it's getting easier, because I know that i've got my friends. I know i'll always have people around me that I love. Yeah, i'll be on my own sometime, but I'm happy, and each day is getting easier step by step. I realised today that I don't need a man at the moment to be happy, i'd rather just fool around with a few and have a good time before settling down again, with someone who I trust 100%, and I'm properly happy with this time, not just an irrational decision like last time. I'm not going to get with anyone until I know they are the best thing for me, which is where i've been going wrong before. I think I mainly get with people out of pity. Yeah, I do normally fall for the person after a certain amount of time, but it's not someone who i've fallen in love with head over heels and 100%. I've loved people, but I don't think that i've been in love properly? Since i've always managed to get over people and stuff! All will come when the right person comes along :) So yeah, I'm happy and I'm alive... luckily,(the reason isn't even worth mentioning) that's all that matters at the minute!


The process of moving out is also hitting me more and more each day, because it's getting closer. The week is going very quick, but at least I'm spending it with two of my favourite people! We've already planned out the majority of our week :)but at the same time it's really sad! I've already started planning things out with my friends so things are looking good for the summer holidays! Looking forward to getting smashed at corp with my best friend on Monday, and seeing some of my favourite guys! ;)


I've also had a strange day in the sense of reading some things which I shouldn't have, from one of my best friends. It's made me feel rather bad, I had no idea of the extent of what he was going through, but he knows I love him to pieces and everything will be fine between us :) A bit of a roller coaster day it seems! But time to retire and watch tv and drink a cuppa with the remaining flat mates, in our amazing and shitting flat :P 

The thought of moving out..

The thought of moving out;
...is so so depressing! It hasn't really hit me until some of my flat mates started to move out. Seeing their empty rooms, which were full of possessions and memories, really starts to hit you. This is it. We're never going to be living in this flat or together again. Halls of residence is a one time experience, and it's all happened so quickly. I'd give anything to go back and do it again!

Well, i've got less than a week to go. The kitchen looks almost empty, and loads of stuff from my room went home today. It's slowly starting to sink in. The thought of never sitting in this flat again, waking up after a night out and stumbling into the kitchen just feels horrid. Also the thought of pre-drinks, it won't be the same next year surely? We won't have much space, and we won't all be together! There are so many memories in these walls, and although it's been an incredible time, it's such a sad feeling knowing that 6 new students will be coming and taking our place soon next year. Also, I won't be living with everyone again next year, which is an even sadder thought. It almost feels surreal, I keep welling up and have to stop myself from crying, and I never cry! I guess we really made this place feel like home, and I will miss every inch of our wonderful, and slightly shitty court 14, apartment 14 flat.