Society.

I think that I'm becoming addicted to shopping. It's a slight problem which has a huge affect on my bank balance. The influence of fashion is the reason for my addiction, because I enjoy changing small items in my wardrobe to keep up with the current trends. I like the idea that clothes can represent you as a person, but this means you can become incredibly judgemental of others and be constantly judged yourself. The other week whilst at Riley's, a man was wearing a t-shirt which was offensive to women, as it compared us to dogs and ordered us to be in the kitchen. I'm sorry but, what?! Why would any woman find this man attractive when he's just given them an indirect insult? Anyway, if women had sense they would stay away from that man, he doesn't deserve anyone but himself. I'm told by friends and my mum that I sometimes get stared at by other women. Are these good or bad stares? What the hell are they thinking of me? It makes me incredibly paranoid, but there's not a lot really I can do because I'll never know what they think.

Even though we all hate to admit it, we automatically judge someone on what they're wearing. This is probably one of the reasons why I'm so fashion conscious, I worry about what other people will think of me. New clothes make me feel less insecure for a while, but in the end they usually make their way to the charity shops. There are only a few clothes which I will never throw away, because I feel completely myself in them. For instance, polo shirts. I love them, they always look good and I always feel better for wearing one. Of course, by wearing a polo shirt someone will automatically judge me as an "indie kid", but hey it's not like that at all, I just like the damn t-shirt. I enjoy wearing skinny jeans, and converse or vans. I'll probably get judged as an "indie kid" for that also, but to be honest it's just what I like. Dresses are usually a problem area for me. I'd never get away with wearing a figure hugging dress because I'm just way too curvy, so I always pick a dress to emphasise my waist and disguise my huge hips. I get that curves are good, but you still have to dress yourself in the right way otherwise you just look daft.

I enjoy walking into shops and seeing all of the pretty clothes. I automatically know if they're "me" or not, whether I will splurge out and buy the clothing or walk away with my head hanging. I hate trying on clothes because I just think "only a skinny model will fit into this", which is quite depressing and sad as it goes. I have trouble figuring out what will suit me. I don't think I have my own style, but as it goes I guess that's good. It makes me unpredictable. Who wants to be boring and fit into a stereotype anyway? I don't know how to do my hair, I still don't really get how to have my make up. I don't know what suits me. It's a hard life being a woman, and a teenager trying to fit into this society. Fact.